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| I lied in my first real post here. and I just realized it. I can't fucking win. I'm sitting on my bus right now absolutly breaking down. I'm at a loss in my life. I feel I've hit rock bottom. pushed off the cliff of Montauk Point onto the rocks below. that's what I want. honestly. I want that week or two or three or whatever of my life over again. I'm miserable. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm a disappointment to everyone that knows me. nothing is in order, anarchy has taken over to the point of no return.
now I've made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.
there's no one at fault for how I feel besides myself. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I don't know anything. there. I said it. I don't know a damn fucking thing. about space. about time. about my thoughts. about math. about equalibrium. about spelling equalibrium. about myself. I feel better getting this off my chest but I'm so scared that... what am I scared of? I don't know.
I'm losing you and its effortless.
you would be myself. since that's who I'm talking about anyway.
be right back, crack the sky time.
that didn't hurt as much as I expected.
again, I'm at a loss. I just thought of from first to last. I'm done with quoting songs though, I believe. I don't even have words left to express myself. | | |
| You'll get a chance.
Another chance.
One more sun. | | |
| i'm sorry but i think i failed to mention that i lied at my very first confession.
so since i got home, i've been non-stop listening to my senses fail cd. and i can relate to every single fucking song and its driving me crazy. oh, i lied, besides popping in my hawthorne heights dvd and telling sofa every detail about it. but that's not important. this past week has possibly been the craziest week of my life. i don't like details though so you'll have to live with just knowing it was crazy insane. fuck, i'm totally out of vitamin water. this sucks.
that line i posted? is driving me crazy. i did lie at my very first confession. but what did you expect of me? 'oh yeah my stepmom abuses me while my dad looks the other way. i don't sleep in my house; i jump out the window and sleep next door with the neighbors because i don't ever know what's going to happen that night. plus i stole my mom's old hat from my parent's closet. OH and i'm 9 and in 3rd grade. don't tell anyone cause this is all confidential, i'm sure.'
you know i've never in my life cheated on a test?
oh, the irony. | | |
| lauren steil personals are mine.
i need to get off the internet.
but i can have the perfect life on here.
ya know? | | |
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